Craft A Little

A funny thing happened a few weeks ago.

First- a little background.

Will started a new job in December.  His new company has a holiday party where everyone (and his/her significant other)  in the company goes to a place for a weekend and there is a meeting and some activities and social stuff.  It started on Friday night and ended on Sunday morning with brunch.  The kids weren’t invited.  The only person that I am willing to leave my kids with overnight is my mom, so naturally as soon as I found out about this, I booked her for the weekend.  Baby E still wasn’t sleeping that great, I am still exclusively nursing her, and I hadn’t left her overnight yet, so of course I was totally freaked out about it.  But my Mom has raised 6 kids, so I was confident that she knew what she was doing.  And even if she wouldn’t do everything exactly as I would do it, I trusted that it would be fine and I didn’t have a problem with those differences.

So, she got there on Friday night (she is taking a monthly quilting class at a place that is about 2 hours from where I live and 3 or so from where she lives in WI) and we left right after she got there.  And she barely told me anything about what was going on until I got home on Sunday.  Well, to be honest, all I got was a few solicited texts saying that everything was fine.  And then Sunday she told me not to dilly dally on our way home, but that everything was fine.  I figured that it was because she had to get home- turns out, it was because she was out of breast milk- Baby E had eaten everything that I left for her and she won’t eat formula.  When I got home I learned more details about what had happened.  She didn’t lie- everything was fine.  But she was so busy that she barely got to eat and she didn’t get my laundry folded.  (my mom has a thing about clean laundry sitting in laundry baskets- it drives her nuts.  So pretty much every time she visits me, she folds laundry if it is there.  it has become a joke with us).

So, before she left (she had to get home to to my Dad and my 13 year old brother) we were sitting on the couch talking and she said-

“this is a hard job!  I am tired!”

Now, I KNOW it is a hard job.  And I am SO tired.  But, if you remember, I tend to compare myself to my mom and I kind of hold myself to that standard.  And it was comforting and it felt really good to hear her say that it was hard.  It meant that I was doing ok- maybe even pretty good- at this whole mom thing.

But it was kind of funny to hear that while I was admiring her work as a mom, she was admiring mine.  And that is a really good place to be.

(Disclaimer- While I am working on knitting a pair of slippers and I have a charm pack and 100 hexagon paper templates sitting next to me, this is not a crafty post.  This is more of an “adjusting to life with 2 children” post.)

I am not supermom.  I try to be.  I want to be.  I aspire to be.  I think that I was raised by one.  But I am not one.  I have been a “stay at home mom” (on maternity leave for 12 weeks- so it is temporary) for 3 weeks now. 

The adjustment to life at home with 2 kids is not what I expected.   I knew that it would be hard.  I knew that it wasn’t going to be this super easy transition, but it is not hard in the way that I thought it was.  Before E was born, people at work would ask if I was going to leave Little Helper in daycare while I was on leave.  I knew that we would not, for a couple of reasons.  Mainly, money (waste of money- in my opinion- when I am home) and that Little Helper would want to be home with me and the baby.  And she does.  Anyway, people told me that I would wish that I would have a place that I could send Little Helper some days.  And that it would be too hard to take care of the 2 of them all week.  That it is hard taking care of a newborn and a toddler. 

Well, this is true- it is hard taking care of a newborn and a toddler.  But not really all the time.  I am able to handle taking care of the 2 of them.  The problem is, I can’t take care of them AND make dinner.  Or clean the house.  And this is where my lack of supermomness comes in.  I feel like I should be able to do it.  My mom does, why can’t I?  Perhaps it is her 34 (I have an older brother!) years of experience of parenting 6 children that makes her so successful?  And she has been stay at home for all of that.  But- she did daycare out of our house for 5 or 6 years- so she had all of those kids too.  And she still made dinner every night while I was growing up.  I don’t get it. 

So I spend my day jumping between activities, trying to get laundry- a GIANT pile- folded, dishes done, dinner made, the living room cleaned up, my bed made, a shower…and that is in between trying to give my 2.75 year old all the attention that she needs, making sure she and I eat lunch, nursing my newborn every 2-3 hours, getting them both down for naps- but of course the newborn doesn’t reliably nap independently. 

Yesterday, we didn’t have a great day.  My husband came home to me crying on the couch.  Surprisingly enough, I did have most of the laundry folded, and dinner was ready.  But I was frazzled.  I had spend my whole day- well afternoon really- morning and nap time were good- running between activities and crying children trying to get dinner made- and it was stressful.  I probably would have had all of the laundry folded if Little Helper and I hadn’t decided to have a dance party mid-folding.

We left it all behind today.  Will was at work and then went to the Twins game for some work thing and only just got home a few minutes ago (9:50 or so).  Little Helper, Baby E, and I decided to go to the Minnesota Children’s Museum.  It was such an excellent day to go!  School is back in session, so it wasn’t busy with a bunch of kids home for the summer.  And it is the first week of school, so too early for field trips- there were not too many people there.  We had such a great day.  We were there all day!!  Little Helper listened and shared.  (And oddly enough- in a museum full of toddlers- I saw more sharing and manners that I have ever seen there when it is full of school age children. Kids shared things.  And took turns.  And no one pushing my kid out of their way- they waited their turn.  And my kid did too.  It was awesome.) And my house is a mess.  And I am trying REALLY hard to be ok with that.

So how do I be supermom?  Do I have to hang up my knitting needles and pack up my sewing machine with no hope of touching either one for months?  Do I have to give my more sleep and start getting up earlier so that I can get things done before the kids wake up?  Do I just give up the idea of being supermom?  Maybe it will all come with time and more practice.  But I only have 9 more weeks until I have to add in 3 days of work per week.  Uh-oh.  I feel like that isn’t enough time to adjust. 

So, I am going to try to let go.  I am going to try to get over my lack of control on the whole situation.  I am going to escape it all with trips to places like the Children’s Museum or the Zoo when we need to.  And I am going to try really hard to ignore all of the things on my kitchen counter that just don’t go there.  And be ok with only cooking on weekends/days when my husband works from home and eating leftovers the rest of the week.   And we are going to keep having impromptu dance parties- even if we are in the middle of folding a giant pile of laundry.  And I am NOT going to try to be supermom.  I am going to try to be the best mom I can be for Little Helper and Baby E.  They don’t need supermom- they need me.  They need my love and attention.  They need my guidance and me to teach them manners, the alphabet, how to be kind to one another.  They need me to snuggle them at bedtime and kiss their owies.  They need me to do be the best I can be for them and for me.  And that is what I am going to do.  And I am going to let go of the laundy.  And I will find some me time- just not sure what it will look like or when it will be for the next few months.  There will always be sewing and knitting and cooking to do.  My girls will only be little for so long.   And I don’t want to miss it.  Or be too stressed to enjoy every second of it.  So I will be working very hard to lower my expectations of myself.  Wish me luck. 

Oh- and when my husband came home to me crying- he took Little Helper on a walk to the mailbox, and told me that it would be ok.  That I was doing a great job.  And it was like any other job- it takes time to learn how to do it. 

After I was crabby all day yesterday, I apologized to Little Helper for being a crab.  She told me- with a big smile- “You’re not a crab!  You’re a mom!”  And that made me smile.    And she told me on Monday that I was her best friend.  So, we will make it.  I am sure of it!